Things I Hate: 10

Hello and Welcome to OOOoOOoOOoo the tenth installment of Things I hate! It's been a good few posts, though I must admit its becoming harder and harder to hate on things as I slowly realize that I don't get pissed off very easily. That being said, I will still try to post at least every other week, but if I miss an extra week, don't hold it against me. It's the least you could do since none of you post regularly anyways (a thing I hate for another time...) Ok anyway, today on Things I hate: Douchebag fashion

While I could go on and on about douchebags in general, I feel that that is something that is best done later when I am out of ideas for what to hate on. For now, I shall focus on the ridiculous clothes and accessories they wear.

Unfortunately, the most foolproof way of determining if something is douchebag fashion is by looking back after it has gone. Douchebag fashion is always something that is a stupid idea or that looks stupid or both (almost always the case) that comes about randomly and leaves just as suddenly and randomly.

Accessories:
If a guy is carrying an accessory, he is either gay or a douchebag. Here's a way to figure it out: Is the accessory a piercing or a purse? If you answered yes, then he is gay, feel free to question his morals or invite him back to your place for a valium and a nice comfy bed (whatever floats your boat), but don't call him a douchebag. Common douchebag accessories include the following:
Acoustic Guitar - So they can sing about what makes them "feel" different ways.
Shark tooth or any somewhat manly kind of) necklace - Because when they take their shirt off, you still need something to look at.
Chest tattoo - So that you will look at them. A popular choice for tattoos is Asian language characters because 1) it takes longer to figure out 2) it makes them seem cultured 3) as girls bend in to get a better look at the tat and to try to determine what it means, the d-bag gets a prolonged peek at cleavage.
Cross/Crucifix necklace - This is another thing I just remembered. It is especially douchey because in very very very rare cases are douchebags religious and if they are, they're the kind that blindly and annoyingly follows the religion and argues with you about it forever until you realize the conversation is going nowhere. The reason that this necklace is douchebaggy is because it is often accompanied by a blasphemous or otherwise profane/provocative shirt.

And now onwards to some recent trends in douchebag fashion.

Collar Popping:
Of course you've seen this at one point or another. Shirts just get longer and longer collars until before you know it, you're sporting the classic Dracula look when you pop your collar. The truth about collar popping is it never looks cool. Never. It looks like you were going to put on a tie, but then remembered you didn't know how to tie a tie and in your embarrassment, forgot to put down your collar. This is the ultimate fashion statement to make though if you want to advertise your lack of fine motor skills.

Those Sunglasses that have the plastic stripes over the lenses:
Seriously, what is the point of those? One would think it would be hard to see out of those things. These look especially stupid and douchebaggy because the people that wear them lose part of their already apparently bad sight, so when they put them on, they stray from side to side almost hitting you as they walk by, but they don't care, you should be getting out of their way right? Wrong! Next time you see someone that obviously can't see out of the sunglasses walking past you, take advantage of their self-inflicted blindness by pushing them onto the street preferably in front of a moving truck. You'll be doing the world a favor and hey, if they somehow survive, they won't even know it was you.

Spikedy Hair:
Douchebags have a common problem in that many of them fail to meet the manly 6 foot height requirement (yes, you have to be at least 6 feet tall or have uber micro to be manly (so don't worry Steven, you're still good)). Since so many douchebags have the need to appear manly, they decided one day, "Hey, what if we just spike up our hair? Sure it looks stupid, but people will look at us and say damn he looks stupid, but boy is he slightly taller than the others here." It's amazing how douchey just a half cup of hair gel can make a guy look. Speaking of the hair gel, if you touch a douchebag's hair for some reason or if it's dripping, don't worry, it's just their hair rejecting the amount of douchiness they attempted to put into it.

Hats:
For those douchebags that meet the height requirement, they are free to wear their hair any way they want. Unfortunately, this means that they will wear a hat. But not just any hat, oh no. They will wear a baseball cap that sports the logo of a popular sports team, but does not display the colors of said team. Also, the hat must include a sticker that was obviously meant to take off, but you were "too cool" to do that. As for the brim of the hat, it must either be perfectly flat or bent all to hell. As for the positioning, the bill of a douchebag's hat is never straight over their face. It is always cocked up and to the side a bit just so you can see more of their stupid douchey face from just the right angle.

Pink Shirts:
These are slowly dying out. I am happy that this is gone. I never understood the ads "Real men wear pink." Why is that? Because when I think of pink, do you know what I think of? BREAST CANCER. What guy wants to go around wearing a shirt that makes people wonder if he just got out of chemotherapy and maybe that's the reason for wearing such a stupid hat.

Shirts that are too tight:
Douchebags have that need to seem more muscley, so they will go ahead and try to work out. When that fails of course, they buy shirts that are obviously too small so their "bulging" arms can bulge out of the shirt.

That's all I can think of for now. I love making fun of douchebags though, so perhaps I shall continue this post as things come to mind. Anyway, I've been running errands and making this post on and off now for 3 hours and I need to get some homework done, so until next time, peace out.