Real post coming after school and the LSAT are done. I simply do not have enough time to sit down and make a full post between now and then. The LSAT is less than a week away (cue fearful whimpering noises) and my final final is on the 10th. In the meantime, enjoy some quotes!



Reading suggestions of things to bring to Korea:
Me: Oh, they suggest bringing contraceptives!
Mom: Yeah, you don’t need that. Just keep it zipped while you’re there.
Me: Well what’s odd about it here is they list it under “General” and not “Things you can buy there.”
Mom: Haha, that is pretty weird.
*Dad walks into room, other conversation ensues*
*Conversation gets to a point where mom says…*
Mom: I just hold my family to a higher standard.
Me: I’ll say, she won’t even let me bring condoms to South Korea!
Mom: You’re just there for four months, you can hold it!
Me: Interesting choice of words…
*… then assorted laughter*
Mom: I didn’t mean it like that!



Dad: Ok, I’m going to give you a quiz I heard about to see what you thought of us as parents.
Me: Uh, ok
Mom: Ken, don’t do it, he won’t give you a straight answer!
Dad: Oh don’t worry about it. Okay, so say you’re a little kid and your first pet, a goldfish, dies unexpectedly. Would we:
a. Go out for a jog
b. Tell you to suck it up and not be a crybaby
c. Go out and buy you 10 new goldfish to compensate
d. Sit down and have a good cry with you
Mom: And talk about it!
Me: Uh, probably either b or c
Dad: Oh come on! No!
Mom: See? I told you he wouldn’t give you a straight answer!
Me: What? You guys would totally go out and buy 10 more!
Mom: No, we’d sit and talk to you about it!
Me: He said cry with me about it! You wouldn’t cry with me! Why am I even crying? It’s a goldfish!
Mom: Oh you’re not getting the question!
Me: Well then maybe it’s a. You guys like going on walks. Maybe you would go on a walk
Mom: No, it meant running away from your problems!
Me: No, maybe it meant you were just absent-minded and liked walking!
Mom: What? No!



Me: And then when you have prom, I can supply you with booze!
Me (imitating mom voice): No, Kathryn, David won’t do it. I’ll supply you.
Mom: What? I wasn’t paying attention.
Kathryn: He was talking about how he can give me booze for prom parties.
Mom: David!
Me: What?
Mom: Well what if…
Me: What if what
Mom (slightly quieter but still quite audible): She might not get asked
Kathryn: MOM!
[We have no idea what she was thinking, but she wound up apologizing to Kathryn later. Epic absent-mindedness maybe?]

 
 
lastredcoat: grrr
i have diag tomorrow
Me: same
but im not staying up as late as you
lastredcoat: lol
L(
Me: what is that one
crying?
lastredcoat: yes
Me: ah
do it the azn way
T___T
lastredcoat: no
i am white
i have sideways faces
Me: haha
lastredcoat: not up and down ones



Talking about fantasy football last season:
lastredcoat: how the fuck did i not win the whole thing?
me: idk
didnt you lose to dad?
oh right
lastredcoat: :/
i was regular season winnraw
me: your quarterback got fucked up
and you had to roll with ben
lastredcoat: bennn
noooo
me: yeah you got majorly shafted
lastredcoat: so bad at fantasy
me: so unlucky
lastredcoat: o well
no fantasy baseball rite?
me: nope
i considered it
lastredcoat: lolzes
me: no fantasy nascar ever formed either : (
lastredcoat: damn
i would have drafted jimmey joe bob
me: that would have been good competition
in that none of us would have any idea who to pick
ah jimmey joe bob
he's pretty good
almost as good as lester johnson
or his brother/father carl johnson
lastredcoat: true
also remember the billie bobs
first family to have 4 generations in nascar at the same time
me: hahaha
odds are one of them will win the.....
[wikipedias nascar]
nextel cup
lastredcoat: lol

I'm sure by now that everyone has heard of the terrible tragedy that has unfolded, now starting to cause panic and confusion in America. Of course, I'm talking about the new song "Friday" by whoever the hell Rebecca Black (aka R.B.?) is. I first heard the video on Monday night and was immediately taken with its ridiculousness. For about an hour, I riffed on this song with Davis, Keir, and Sai. It was definitely the best study break I had all weekend. Here is the conversation. Sorry, I had to split it into two separate pictures. This was the only way I could get it to zoom to a readable size.

*David posts status update "David Altena is glad he did not decide to pursue a career in medicine after today."*
lastredcoat: no medicine?

noooooo
me: haha no
not after what i saw
lastredcoat: health care is now socialized?
so youll get no monies for doing it
me: ah
good point
no but what i saw was cyst removal
and it was gross and stinky and it made me not want to have to see that shit again
lastredcoat: ewww
where was the cyst?
me: on my grandpa's back
lastredcoat: ewww
me: indeed
but it was nice because the surgeon had a nice rack
lastredcoat: did you hit it?
me: haha no
lastredcoat: weakkkk
me: i should have given her some while she was opening it up
lastredcoat: most awkward sexual experience ever
or a new porn niche
me: haha
operation sex
lastredcoat: ILL GRAB THE VIDEO CAMERA, YOU FIND SOME OLD PEOPLE AND HOT NURSES
me: !!!!!
DOCTOR, I NEED 50 CC'S OF CUM, STAT!
WE DON'T HAVE A SYRINGE
JUST USE MY FACE
lastredcoat: sir, i'm afraid you have a benign tumor
you can live a normal life....for now
except your dick has become huge
 because it is in your dick
me: haha
lastredcoat: i am going to perform and immediate opperation on it
*starts sucking cock*
me: hahaha
i will have to quote this convo
lastredcoat: oh
well you should know none of this is original
its just a rehash of the porn i watch
its the only way i can get aroused
me: haha


*I see Grandpa holding a bunch of paper towels like what you get at a public restroom*
Me: Grandpa, where did you get those?
Grandpa: THE SHITHOUSE! Nobody was using them so I took a few!

*I notice Grandpa has a pink camera*
Me: Ooh, looks like you traded in your broken blue camera for a pink one.
Grandpa: Yeah, it's a pussy camera.


Doug: You guys gotta be more hip. You're like the boring snakes right now, they don't look cool and they're safe to touch. On the other hand, there's the snakes that look really hip, but they're the dangerous ones. You gotta try harder and risk having the mistakes so you can sound like the hip snakes.
Everyone: *confused laughter*

Doug: We need more of a crescendo there, a lot more than what you're doing.
Right now, you guys have a Paris Hilton crescendo going.
*Awkward laughter*
*silence*
Joel: What does that even mean?
*more laughter*

My Econ Professor being cool:
Bob: Now you can go out and party and all that on weekends and in the short run you can maintain that with coffee, energy drinks, methanphetamines...

Bob: Wow they sure like to keep this room hot, huh? How's about I rip off my shirt now and show off my supply and demand tattoos?

Bob: The one nice thing about being congested is I get to enjoy one nice day of being a very sexy baritone. Ladies, try to restrain yourselves as I give this lecture.


Me: Ok do we want to vanquish in Elona or EotN?
Steven: idc
Me: Oh no, not this again.
Pick a vowel.
Steven: y
Me: God damnit, Steven.

Me: PAX is getting really crowded though at the rate it's growing.
Steven: Yeah, they should have it in 2 locations in the same weekend, like two different buildings.
Have that card game shit somewhere else.

Me: I gotta catch up with you here
Steven: Don't worry, it's not a race.
If it were a race, I would have won by now.

Ok this was actually going to be a Things I Hate because my teacher was a noob, but I looked at my quotes and there are a lot so I figured it was better to unload them.

Steve: There goes Doug out there.
Me: I thought he left to go get dinner.
Steve: No, he just left to go masturbate
Me: Man, he’s living my dream out there.
Steve: Haha, you’re pretty quick. You’ll make a good lawyer someday.
Me: Why? Because I’m quick with masturbation jokes?
If it please the court, I’m going to pound one out really quick.
Steve: Judge, sidebar?

Doug: Why the hell are you all the way up here? There was a chair back there in the corner for a reason.
Ian: Oh, I heard you say “The rhythm section can come up” so I figured you meant move forward.
Doug: Oh, well I didn’t you can go back now.
Ian: I see how it is, go back in your corner, guitar player

Steve Kim: Jazz improv is really different from classical composition. With jazz, you’re making it up on the spot for yourself. With classical composers, you have a guy that plays “composer’s piano” which is basically really crappy piano. They then take their composition and give it to some guy that’s really good at his instrument and say “hey, here’s my bitchin’ etude” or whatever and then the guy just takes it and practices it over and over.

Doug: We gotta have everyone loud in this part like we’re in a big orchestra playing for Star Wars or something when Luke off’s one’a those cats.

me: nice
i found it the other day and i liked it
i was glad i could reuse it
O: see?
everyone loves reusing your posts, even you!
me: yeah!
i can't help it, i just write so well!
O: lol
me: especially my earliest posts
my overuse of the word "tight"
i dont remember how long its been since ive used that
in that context at least
O: did you really use the word tight a lot?
i dont remember that
me: yeah i guess so
i used it in my early posts then abruptly stopped
i dont remember saying it that much though after 8th grade but my posts cannot lie
O: link me one
me: http://dutchpride.blogspot.com/2005/05/star-wars.html
i think that was the last instance of using it
idk, i dont go back there very often
it was the boring years when i had nothing important to say
which i guess is similar to now
but now is interesting because
um
O: lol
me: it's recent
O: loll
me: you read it?
O: who was fink?
me: in it's paragraphy glory?
no idea
random person
O: those randos sure love you
me: excluding gregg, i've had 2 random ppl comments on my blog
and yeah
im just a stalker magnet
O: just think
if you get a six pack
and then post pics of it on ur blog
youll get so many stalkers
me: indeed
my female readers will finally leave comments
"fap fap fap"
that's what they'll say
ill let you take that however you want
O: haha..wait what?
i dont think thats really the sound it makes
if they're masturbating
me: it'll be "moosh moosh moosh"
O: hahaha
you gotta quote yourself on that one
me: i wonder if girls actually say that

me: wow
quote from my math book
"...is called the interquartile range. It's commonly abbreviated IQR (and pronounced "eye-cue-are." not "ikker")"
NO SHIT
this is why i took stats online
otherwise i would blurt out all the time and the teacher would hate me
but i would have a lot of funny stories i bet
O: hahahah
not "ikker"
that's great
me: does my math book think im retarded?
congrats on taking stats! good for you! you're trying to learn!
O: "u r smrt!"
me: haha

Stimulating Economics Discussions:
Bob: So what if there were a correlation found between the length of girls' skirts and the overall state of the economy? Like say the shorter a girl's skirt, the better the economy is doing? Well if we find that out, what are we going to do to girls' skirts? We'll shorten them in the hopes that it will stimulate the economy.
Tim: Oh, it'll stimulate something!

French Essays:
Valerie: Ok class, tonight I want you to write an essay in French my life in 10 years.
Tony (70 year old guy that sits behind me): 10 years? Damn, I'll be dead by then!


Keir: Why should you go to bed? I'm 3 hours ahead of you and I'm filling in France pixel by fucking pixel.

Davis: u there?
me: Yes, I am here.
Davis: wow lol gud 2 now aht
me: I have no idea what you just said.
Davis: Oh, excuse me.
I rather lost myself for a moment there.
me: Quite understandable.
Davis: Shall we play some Counter-Strike?
me: We shall.
SENTENCE FRAGMENT CONSIDER REVISING
Davis: CONSIDER FUCKING YOURSELF IN THE ASS, MICROSOFT WORD

me: i dont support games in which colt mccoy doesn't play
i wish my parents had named me that
lastredcoat: if your parents had named you that youd probably be a super QB
but instead you are an ok pre law student
me: indeed
maybe someday ill be a blocker for little montana
lastredcoat: lol
me: that would be cool if that happened
then i would finally maybe somewhat come close to finally earning your respect
lastredcoat: you have my respect
youre just crap at starcraft

*I post a Facebook status "David Altena finds it funny that arizona's kicker can kick a field goal from the far 45 yard line but when it matters, he cant even kick a chip shot."*
*this takes place within a minute of my posting that*
me: have you seen both the games today?
lastredcoat: yes
me: same
the green bay game
IT WAS SO AWESOME
lastredcoat: i found it funny that arizona's kicker can kick a field goal from the far 45 yard line but when it matters
me: ah you too?
lastredcoat: he cant even kick a gosh darn chip shot
me: i see we think alike in verbatim even
its no wonder we're such a great team on iccup
lastredcoat: ahahahaha
me: on the plus side tho
i now know how i can feed you strategic advice while we play
now i know that if i want you to do something on iccup, i just make it a status update
lastredcoat: huh?
me: "David Altena wants keir to make more god damn zealots."
you read my statuses quickly
almost as quickly as you would hear it if i just told it to you via skype
lastredcoat: lol

*In the car, I have the climate control for the driver's seat set at 70, which is somewhat hot for me, but generally comfortable*
*It is obviously too cold for mom as she turns up the heat high in the backseat and pumps it high, filling her area with hot air and sending some into my area, making me rather uncomfortably hot.*
Me: Mom, can you turn down your heat?
Mom: No way, your vent is blowing cold air at me.
Me: What? It's set at 70 up here? It's only cold air because it feels cold next to the heat you got coming out of the vent back there.
Mom: Fine, I'll turn it off. (angrily mutters) Where's the blanket back here?
Dad: You'd think there would be a middle ground, huh?
Me: Man, I've learned by now, there is no middle ground.
Dad: Haha, that's a damn good lesson to learn this early on.


lastredcoat: sc tomorrow?
me: hmm
most likely yes
lastredcoat: good.
me: though again later in the day is more certain than earlier in the day
lastredcoat: i might have to go fucking canoing tomorrow morning
so yeah
me: yuck
well be sure to exercise proper safety precautions
because i would hate to have to come all the way out there to drag your drowned ass out of the swamp for some necropheliaSC
lastredcoat: i'd still have higher apm than you
me: hahahaha
sadly
you're probably right
lastredcoat: that was an epic burn
btw

Hi, I know that usually Mondays are days when I would make a post about the week, but I have 2 finals tomorrow and while I'm not particularly worried about them, I'd rather just make the post after they're done. In the meantime, here are some good quotes.


*During a break in our Jazz performance*
Chelsea: Uh oh, I kinda gotta pee. I wonder if Doug will let us go.
Steve: Yeah I gotta go too, but I don't want to ask him for permission because I know he's just going to say no.
Me: Fine, I'll ask him.
Me: Hey Doug, we got a couple here that have to tinkle, can they go?
Doug: Oh, just use your mutes or something.

*Rehearsing a song in class*
*Fire alarm sounds*
Doug: Keep playing, we're nailin' this part!

Guest Player: I actually just got back from a couple gigs in London.
Doug: Oh yeah, you mean THE London, huh? Not like London, Texas; London, France!
*Awkward looks between me and the guitarists and bassists*
Steve: Don't worry, I'm hoping he's joking.

*Dad on the phone with a guy at Little Ceasars*
Dad: What? 5 bucks? That's it? Well damn, I might as well get two.
Dad: Actually, hold on a second.
Me: What's up with it?
Dad: Well it only costs 5 bucks so we can get enough for leftovers.
Kathryn: Are we gettting a lot of pizza or something?
Dad: No, we're getting a shitload of pizza!

O: the nice thing about your 21 being last and in the summer
is that we might all be around for it
me: yeah
O: it'll be pwnage
me: indeed
O: we'll go to 21 different bars
jk there's not enuf bars for that
we'll just go to sugars and spend 21 hours there
with 21 strippers
me: yeah!

me: uh oh i see what's happening
davis is becoming a hippie
he's going to show up in tattered rags with a waterpipe
and suddenly all our DnD adventures will no longer include fighting
because that's what the man wants us to do
instead, our PCs will go to poetry readings and have jam sessions
O: you'll have to switch that perform skill to poetry
me: haha
well ill have to make it
im dead remember...
which reminds me i still need to make the new character
O: oh yeah
me: and find YET ANOTHER way to tie into you guys
O: you should get perform poetry just in case
just a couple points
me: well as it happens i was going to make my character a total hippie anyway
so sure

Davis: and I love the convo where you 2 decide whether to deride me or not
it was fucking hilarious
me: you said that yesterday but thanks again
it was good times
i posted the pic of it showing how close we were to each other
*Davis updates facebook status to "...every time I think something good is going to happen, Fortune takes me for a ride and turns it all around. I hate this so much."*
*I comment with "It'll all be ok man. Remember Jesus is with you in all that you do."*
me: i commented on your new status
Davis: oh you ass
me: hopefully adding to the quality
Davis: that was a good one
me: hahaha
Davis: I'm laughing like a morn right now
me: morn?
Davis: moron
me: ah
Davis: yeh
me: haha

Steven and I on psychology and Freud:
me: there's something intimidating about staring down 39 study questions that you have no idea what the answers are
all with the thought looming in the back of your head that you also really need to study for your french final
Steven: haha
yeah I'm seeing going to lecture would have helped
me: yeah haha
oh well
Steven: why is there a picture of chris rock in the textbook?
me: haha
because he has a personality i guess
Steven: no way!
me too
me: really?
wow i wish i had one
Steven: haha

Steven: idk why anyone believed this shit
me: well he was born when they still tried witches
Steven: good times
me: "the female...acknowledges the fact of her castration, and with it, too, the superiority of the male and her own inferiority"
maybe this freud was on to something
Steven: haha
I told Ashley she has penis-envy

me: hey what do you see in the rorschach ink blotch on page 428?
Steven: hmm
do you remember the guy from the ninja turtles?
me: which one
Steven: the bad guy
me: oh yeah kind of
Steven: ummmm
yeah that
me: haha
Steven: what was his name...head of the foot clan
shredder
that's it
me: ah yeah i guess i can see that
Steven: like top middle looks like a helmet to me
me: at first, i was all "who the shell are you talking about"
Steven: and then two arms out stretched
hahaha
with like two legs and then a giant two sided cock
me: oh so that's what that is
Steven: that kinda looks like a mushroom
me: its his ovaries
Steven: and then bladed armor up and down the sides
haha oh ok
me: so he's secondary prof as a sin?
Steven: hmm yeah I would say D/A
me: awesome
Steven: so what do you see?
me: a stormtrooper wearing bunny ears
Steven: nice
hmm
Ashley sees a demon mask
me: lllllaaammmeeee
Steven: demonic symbols are normal right?
me: yeah i think so
Steven: ok good
me: probably more well adjusted than us


Davis: oh you still need to make your druid
it shall be level 4 because I don't want to have to balance encounters strangely to accomodate 5,5,5,3
me: yes
ok thank you
Davis: lol not for you
it's for me
!!
me: well as self serving as it was
it was a mutually agreeable outcome
Davis: yes
try to let this one live at least 2 sessions, aight?
me: hahaha
no strange buildings

lastredcoat: mmmm
lady bowlers on ESPN
hello erection

lastredcoat: there is alot more homosexual subtext in Lord of the Rings than I remember

This goes with the last quote in my quotes post. We are so cool.

Fair warning, this is going to be a lot of quotes. If it gets ridiculously long, I'll cut if off and post the rest tomorrow or something. Pictures are coming eventually, I'll even get some up today hopefully. Until then, feel free to read the post below if you haven't and here are the quotes.



My uncle and I regarding the ridiculous amount of food we brought to Sunriver:

My Uncle: Happy Thanksgiving!
Me: Uh oh, my calendar must be broken. I have the day before Thanksgiving. Oh well, happy Thanksgiving to you as well!
My Uncle: Settle down. Are you all on the road?
Me: No we're waiting for mom to finish shopping
My Uncle: Right, get some butter.
Me: I think we have 3 pounds, I'll have them pick up more just to be safe.
My Uncle: Yes. Good leadership.
Perhaps 7lbs and get some pepper too.
Me: I think we also need more pizza. We only have 6. I'm concerned we might starve.
Are you guys there already?
My Uncle: In Bend. Shopping for butter. Need more pizza too - you are right. Will pick up 5-6 and 12-14 chickens. Also, we only have 3 scuba tanks and 2 sets of crutches. Will that be ok?
Me: Might need more crutches just to be safe. Bring toilet paper too, we only have about 16 rolls worth. Running low on bread too, grandma was penny pinching and only bought us 6 bags.
My Uncle: Are you by a Cinnabon? We could suplement with those. Probably 7-8 dozen would be fine. We're at petsmart getting a kitten. Should we get the yellow or the pink collar.
Me: We all agree here that the color doesn't matter. It's the flavor that's important.
My Uncle: Your collective wisdom is awe-inspiring.




me: wow
next monday
zz top concert with spike and the impalers opening for them
cant go to that
also texans on monday night football
cant watch that
damn you band!
O: ouch
me: just watch, some girl will talk to me later in this week about how much she wants to have sex with me but next monday night is the only night that works for her
but i can't skip because i have to turn in a form that will hopefully get me to reno
O: you would give up sex for that?!
me: well reno=rachel
O: true and if you really wanted to have sex, reno would be the place to make it happen
me: indeed
O: rachel + hookers
me: haha
no dude
rachel plus this other chick!
that would be so epic
i would definitely have to text you that picture if that happened
with the caption "lolololololololololol(x2!!)"
O: hahaha
you would be perma winner
of everything
me: well
except for loss of virginity
i would have lost that
but still the other stuff would make up for it and then some
O: even if you peed your pants in public, we would still hold you in high regard
me: hahahaha
don't know whether to feel good about that or to be insulted that of all the possible embarassing things that could happen to me, you chose peeing my pants
O: well i was just trying to think of something real embarrassing
me: oh
O: it's not like i actually think that that embarrassing scenario would be more likely than others
me: ok that's reassuring
O: i have faith in your bladder control
me: yeah!
you're right, im the least likely to pee my pants
so its not like i was secretly voted most likely to pee his pants
O: yeah
they actually put that on that one page in the yearbook
in invisible ink
me: oh i'll have to check that out


Davis: I forogt that you're leaving me all alone
me: i know
Davis: no david and no orion
only stashley
me: well im touched you listed me first before orion even
hopefully next year i'll be in town
cuz i hate wasting away the weekend with little to no internet
Davis: hahahaha
lolly
most ppl would say the other way around lolz
me: haha wow you're right
how backwards
of them!
Davis: lolz
and dammit
i will refer to women with alignments if I so choose
me: haha
it is actually helpful
Davis: yeah totally
me: just nerdy
Davis: it's not like I"m telling them
like by now I'm fucking honest about DnD and Pokemon and shit like that no use hiding it
me: yeah i figured u werent telling them
Davis: I don't want to waste time with a chick who doens't like that shit or can't handle it
BAM


Davis: that was awesome
me: talking to a girl?
Davis: yes
sadly
me: how was it awesome
did you play starcraft during it or something?
Davis: lol
no
she's just amazing in many ways
me: like amazing at counterstrike?
were you talking to her for the last 3 hours?
Davis: yes
me: wow
i don't know that ive ever had a conversation with a girl that long in my life
or probably with anyone
either 3 hours is a longer than normal conversation or that puts my life in a really depressing perspective
Davis: rofl
I think it's a longer than normal convo
I dont' want to talk to most ppl for 3 hours
most ppl around here, I'm good with like 5 or 10 minutes
me: haha
yeah i can relate to that
so might ye want to vanquish today?
Davis: mayhap
me: how fanciful of you


lastredcoat: micro is easy and fun
macro is hard an evilll
me: oh noes dont tell me that!
i have yet to take it and my major is economics!
its like im about to have sex with this chick and you go "oh watch out for her herpes!"
lastredcoat: its like im in the process of fucking her now too
and you have to fuck her later
because of arrainged marraiges in india
me: it doesnt sound like youre fucking her
sounds like she's fucking you
lastredcoat: oh im having sex with her
me: haha
lastredcoat: and you will have my sloppy seconds
me: haha
lastredcoat: she just kinda lies there motionless
and has herpes
me: wow
so what do i get?
lastredcoat: so its a lot of hard work
for no real gain
me: well damn
lastredcoat: i think i just ruined sex for the both of us
me: yes, yes you did
now i'm afraid of economics AND vaginas!
thanks a lot!


Talking about the "how have you changed" part of my college essay:
lastredcoat: ooo
how have you changed?
me: yep
it was an odd question to get
caught me off guard
lastredcoat: how have you changed?
me: oh i manage my time better now
a lot better
lastredcoat: only cus i dont have a computor that plays SC
me: exactly haha
lastredcoat: otherwise....
me: but my gpa is .5 higher than in high school
otherwise SNOWBALL WARS FOREVER LIKE THIS WINTER BREAK HAD BETTER HAVE
lastredcoat: "David: tumm tee tummm stressful day but now to start my homework and do asisgned reading so im prepared or class"
"Keir: HEY BITCH WERE PLAYING STARCRAFT NOW"
"david: but but but...."
"i have homeowrk"
"Keir: SHUTUP YOU LIMPDICK WE PLAY NOW"
"*during game*" "Keir: YOU HAVE ONLY 2 HATCHERIES AND TERRIBLE DRONE SATURATION! FUCK YOU IM LEAVING BURN IN HELL!"
me: haha
so true...
lastredcoat: "David: cries for the rest of the day, cannot focus on hw"
me: haha


Keir finding an old picture on his blog and me getting it on facebook for him:
lastredcoat: print screen?
me: well i could
that would not look great tho
i can track down the photo on davis' blog though
lastredcoat: lol
that would be impressive
me: i wager i could get it from his blog and up on your wall within 5 minutes
START C LOCK NOW
lastredcoat: GO
has to be on facebook in 5 min
me: its on my desktop now!
lastredcoat: IEEEE
it has not been long
me: indeed
lastredcoat: 3 min remain!
me: it is up
lastredcoat: tagged?
me: ill do itn ow
tagged
lastredcoat: now its my profile pic
congrats
me: cool i feel so accomplished
HAHA
lastredcoat: yay
me: you cut him out!
lololol
lastredcoat: im a douche
me: totally haha


Looking at old posts on Keir's old blog:
me: you posted a clan teriyaki in order of coolness on your blog
i am 3rd on the list
thank you for that
"Pro Noob: I dont hate him as much anymore"
lastredcoat: i know
me: haha
lastredcoat: he was a terrible person
me: and i love the part about chung
that fucker got both of us with his bs backstabbing
lastredcoat: yeah i remember davis and i beat you, steven, and cheung me: i bet steven used to suck

O: so i definitely was tempted to comment "gay!" on davis' facebook status tonight
but i thought that might be insensitive
me: what was it
and you should have
ok yeah totally do it
or at least do "LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMEEEE"
O: i'll do gay if you do that
me: ok
O: done
me: done consider him flamespiked
O: roflcopter! me: i screenshotted that
O: hahaha
we are so cool
me: totally
(I'll post a picture of that later)

On Fantasy Football:
Me:damn at least the seahawks are winning
but still i would rather be getting fantasy points here
O: i like how eric didnt even try and get another defense for this week
Me: yeah haha
im glad for that
it might close the field a bit
if i can make up the 50 point gap i currently have going
i dont think he was busy even
i mean his classes are monday and wednesday only
and he had wednesday off so....
O: yeah haha
oh well im fine with that
Me: same
of course i think chris johnson sure made up for the lack of his defense
35 points damn!
O: seriously
Me: i was wondering how tony romo has 91 yards but less than 1 point
3 sacks
aw nuts arizona touchdown
but not larry
now its 14-7
we gotta score more so that there's buffering room for larry to get some touchdowns
O: haha
the beauty of fantasy football
making you wish for specific and strange outcomes so that you can get hella points but still have your favorite team win
Me: haha
Me: YES
larry fitzgerald catches a throw
then a teammate commits a personal foul
so he made a good catch and still a loss of yards!
hooray for the absurd things i hope for!

Why tuba players are cool:
Euphonium Player (dickishly): Well are WE the only one's here with pianissimo?
Tuba Player: Yes.....Yes you are.

Me: a girl in my french class was wearing a shirt today that had four big hearts on it and one was only half full
and under it, it said "Hyrule four play"
Davis: OMFG
GET HER NUMBER
GIVE IT TO MEEEEEEE
Me: you don't want me to do that, trust me
but i thought you would appreciate the shirt
Davis: is she crazy?
Me: i dont think so she's um
she's not very hot
but i told her her shirt was cool
because i knew you would have said something
Davis: well I can work with sane
and not hot
Me: haha
Davis: i can work with that
crazxy
there's no fucking chance in hell
Me: i have to be careful too
you have a much lower threshold for crazy
but it leads to funny stories
like the crazy religious girl
Davis: yeah
I talked to her again today
she is so hot
Me: she isn't your new cleric is she?
Davis: no
that would be awesome though
Pretty sure she wouldn't choose evil
actually I think she might play
i was talking about starting an honors group with some of the guys
it would be sweet
Me: idk
she wouldn't dig the whole false idols thing
i can see the conversation now
"which deity do you support here"
"uh, can i just go with god?"
"no"
"but-"
"no"
Davis: actually I would definitely let her go with God
if it was the difference bewteen playing and no playing
yes I don't give a shit
God is fine with me
Me: : O
Davis: all the "spells" can be like, "Extra Bread IV and shit like that
Me: hahaha
Davis: "King of the Jews"
you assume the aspect of Jesus for 2d4 rounds
Me: "everlasting oil" lamps last 50% longer or until more oil arrives
meh i liked yours better
what's jesus' hp?
Davis: umm
he has 999 hit dice
and they're d20s
999 AC
Me: haha
Davis:as a melee touch attack, he can convert any evil or neutral creature to Christinaity
Me: haha
so jesus is basically a really roxorz paladin?
Davis: yeah
Me: he must also have high alchemy skill too
he can turn water into wine and stuff
and when the effect ends and jesus leaves, he splits up into nice little wafers and wine that feeds your party for several thousand years once every week
Davis: yeah
lolol
also he can cast True Ressurection at first level
except that he starts play at 40th level
he saves at a +1000 bonus
Me: haha
Davis: yeah good stuff
I need to do homework now
we can finish this later
Me: i'll have to add this to my quotes post tomorrow too
Davis: we'll have to make a sheet for him
Me: indeed

lastredcoat: so i herd u like mudkipz
Me: huh?
lastredcoat: : 0
Me: oh
well
i mean totally
i would totally have sex with one
lastredcoat: ahahahaha
wait here...
ill brb
Me: haha
lastredcoat: http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/emericaskates/mudkip-1.png
Me: i am taking my pants off and having sex with this mudkipz
lastredcoat: there is more mudkip porn on the internet than you can possible imagine
i will resist sending you more
but that isnt the hottest
Me: DO IT
MOAR I SA
lastredcoat: so i herd u like mudkipzzzz http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp128/sedlor/mudkips.jpg
Me: hey
lastredcoat: http://rim.criminalflowers.com/nate/mudkip/37014%20-%20cosplay%20Mudkip%20Pokemon.jpg
Me: she didn't paint her ears
that girl is strange
lastredcoat: lol
dont call davis's future girlfriend strange!
Me: haha
that would be funny if davis goes out with her
cuz we could brag about how we've already seen her naked
lastredcoat: but he could brag that his penis ahs been inside her : (
and that he makes her dress up like pokemon for it
Me: haha
you know i think that would have a limit to how many times it would still be cool for
after like 3 years it would be "guys she won't stop dressing as mudkip when we have sex" "i'm beginning to think ill never see her really naked"
lastredcoat: although he can still see the ears
Me: psh
you can see someone's ears when they're fully clothed
lastredcoat: you dont read enough
ears are the most like vagina of any part of a female body that isnt the vagina
Me: hm
picturing a diagram of an ear in my head, i guess that makes sense
lastredcoat: layers and layers of skin
Me: its like it in terms of structure right, not size obviously?
ITS LIKE VAGUNIOR?
copyright^^
ear infections are now called vagunior infections
lastredcoat: ewww

My Away Message: makin sum feces
lastredcoat: you are disgusting and a discrace
Me: was that regarding my away message?
lastredcoat: yes
M: haha
lastredcoat: im gonna drop some knowledge on you
that will help you out
girls do not want to know your poo schedule
Me: hahaha
im gonna drop some knowledge on you
sadly, there are no girls i know online on aim or gmail chat right now


lastredcoat: wtf
i ended the conversation with 'cya' just now
who does that?
Me: i do
so not a good sign
lastredcoat: NOOOOOOOOOOOO
IM IN THE DAVID ALTENA ZONE
ITS LIKE THE TWILIGHT ZONE EXCEPT MORE COLORS AND LESS SEX
Me: haha
but strange things do happen so frequently it gets annoying!
so that's a plus
lastredcoat: if that wasnt so insulting to you i feel as though it'd be blog worthy


Me: damn facebook
some guy messaged me asking if i was related to my uncle
and was like "yeah we were backdoor neighbors back in the day"
but facebook won't let me see his profile
Steven: he wants to fuck you in the ass
Me: haha seriously
he'd better not ask for contact info
Steven: just let me write on his wall and I'll scare him away
I got yo back
Me: haha
you are pro at scaring people away like that
damn you egregious!!!11
Steven: indeed

Me: "Rachel Sydow became a fan of YoVille and Falling asleep while cuddling."
WHAT?
O_O
O: well she's probably meaning falling asleep with you and cuddling with you
Me: haha
i must admire your optimism
if she was really a fan of that, she should make a fan page for "having sex with david"
in fact, i should totally make a page for that
O: i might become a fan
me: haha
i bet it would have more fans than my "grammar police" group has members
O: probably
Me: haha
http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=having+sex+with+david&init=quick#/group.php?gid=3953203194&v=info&ref=search
O: lol
beaten to the punch
Me: well not entirely
its a specific group
but some of the stuff in it was funny
see now the danger in making my own having sex with me fan page is that i might never get sex
girls would be like eww he's gross
and since they aren't fans of it, i then have no chance
because everyone knows the only things you have/do/will ever like are the things you fan on facebook
since you can literally be a fan of ANYTHING
"not getting toothpaste on your foot"
O: "not spilling hot sauce on your penis while it's erect and about to enter a woman's anus"
Me: haha
i can't beat that one
O: win!
Me: i need to blog this convo
O: yay, +1 mentions on David's blog => +.00000001 internet fames
Me: hahathat's a very small number that you didn't have before!
^number more than you had before
and who knows
maybe that's the difference between having people being fans of having sex with you and not
O: well only one way to find out
Me: "Wow, Orion? I totally heard about that guy on David's blog! OMG Tara, let's have sex with him!!! I hope he likes my size 46DD breasts! OMG, they're so wet, here let me help you get that shirt off. kissing ensues No, let's save it for Orion! Tee hee, okay!"
ok wow after reading that, i got way too into character
but that's essentially how it would go down
pun intended ; )
O: hahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahaha
Me: im glad you enjoyed that
O: that was hilarious

::The post of the week is below::

(To the best of my memory)
*Steven, Davis, and I are deciding where to vanquish*
Steven: Ok, it looks like we can do Ice Floe or Tasca's Demise and Mineral Springs.
Steven: I don't really care what we do. David, what do you want?
Me: I don't really care either, let's have Davis decide.
Davis: I don't really care.
Me: Well pick a letter.
Davis: V
Me: ...Pick another letter
Davis: What? You told me to pick a letter, did I not do exactly that?
Me: Yeah I guess I should have been more specific, pick another letter.
Davis: X
Me: God dammit, pick a real letter!
Davis: That is a real letter! You're asking for a letter and I'm giving you that. None of the letters are what you want, what letter are you even looking for?
Me: Fine, fine, I'll be more specific.
Me: Pick a vowel-
Davis: U
Me: That isn't U!
Davis: Y
Me: GOD DAMNIT, PICK A REAL VOWEL.
Davis: WHAT THE HELL, Y IS A REAL VOWEL.
Me: It's a sometimes vowel! I don't want no bitch-ass vowel, pick a real vowel!
Davis: X
Me: You already guessed X!
Davis: Yeah, but since you didn't know Y was a vowel, I doubt your knowledge of our alphabet and for all I know, X might be a vowel to you!
Me: Ok, ok, pick a vowel THAT ISN'T Y OR U.
Davis: Ok, I pick E, the most common letter in the English language.
Me: Ok finally, shit. That was an ordeal.
Steven: Damn, I should have been recording this.
Davis: Yeah, David not being specific enough.

*later, after discussing aggro*
Davis: I pick another letter, it's D, which stands for David and Dick!


Me: did you watch the rvb?
Steven: ya
Sent at 10:23 PM on Monday
Steven: good chat
Sent at 10:26 PM on Monday
Me: thanks, i thought so too
it's like living out one of my dreams
Steven: hahaha


Me: but someday Bret Favre will retire
Me: he'll retire when john and kate plus 8 retire
Orion: that won't happen for a while
Orion: i mean hell they're divorced and they're still doin a show together or "separated"
Me: no didn't you hear?
Me: john got fired a couple weeks ago
Orion: really?
Me: yeah
Me: the headline today
Me: Jon Raids Bank Account? Kate says Jon left her with almost nothing.
Me: WHICH SHOULDN'T BE A HEADLINE
Orion: how did he get fired from his own show?
Me: someone needs to assassinate these people and call CPS for their kids
Me: because he's not a family man and it's a family show
Me: and they're going to make a spinoff show called "John plus monthly visitation privileges"
Orion: lol

Steven on a lack of people to pvp with in Guild Wars:
Steven: We need more gamers, less gaymers

Keir shows me douchey picture of himself:
Keir: have you seen this douchebag?
Me: His face seems eerily familliar.
Me: What did you write on your chest?
Me: I can only make out the word fuck.
Keir: Fuck bitches, get money.
Keir: Although, since I'm British, it should be:
Keir: Intercourse females, acquire currency!

Orion on what to do:
Orion: Top Model Showcase in Renton with 40+ female models!
Me: Models could be good.
Me: What's a 42-some called?
Orion: Pwnage

Me: YES!
Me: BROWN DYE!!!!!!
Secret Agent Missy: EARTH TONES FTW!


Mom: What do we do with all these old senior pictures of David's friends?
Mom: You can take Maddy and Steven, here you go.
David: Ok
Dad: How about Rachel? David probably wants Rachel in his room.
*Kathryn and I look at each other an laugh*
Me: SURE!
Dad: Yeah I probably could have phrased that better.

Keir on Joe Montana's son coming to the UW to play football (and hopefully replacing jake locker):
Keir: and jake locker better leave

Me: yeah
i hope he gets drafted to the mlb

Keir: so nick can start day 1

Me: good luck locker, gtfo seattle

Keir: time to quote dr seusse
I don't care how.
You can go by foot.
You can go by cow.
J Locker will you please go now!
You can go on skates.
You can go on skis.
You can go in a hat.
But go please.

Me: haha
that will go on my blog even though nobody but us will get it

Keir: i should never have stopped reading that

Me: haha.............. :*(

Me: holy shit my math book is so ghey
it tells you "C(r) is the total cost of paying off a car loan borrowed at an annual interest rate of r%. What are the units of C(r)"
it's like YOU JUST TOLD ME WHAT THEY ARE
Steven: welll
it doesn't tell you what country you are in
it could be dollars
or it could be pesos
Me: haha
good point
you have redeemed my math book

me: if i learned one thing from the art of war, it's that if your enemy shows a weakness, IT'S RAPING TIME!!!!!111
Blitzmoose: we need to play starcraft now that you have started talking about war and rape
all's fair in war and rape
wow cool
you should replace the words in old sayings with rape
and make them 1000x as cool
Me: "ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can rape for your country"
Blitzmoose: a penny saved is a penny raped
Blitzmoose: an apple a day keeps the rape away
no
improved version
an apple a day keeps the doctor rape
Me: Mr. Gorbachev, rape down this wall
Blitzmoose: hahahaha
take the bull by rape
Me: oh!
rape the bull by the horns!
Blitzmoose: ok!
the bigger they are the harder they rape
Blitzmoose: calm before the rape
three is a rape
Me: IT'S A RAPE
Blitzmoose: the ends justify the rape
Blitzmoose: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of rape
Me: fish and rape stink after three days
Me: to rape, or not to rape, that is the question
Me: if you're going through rape, keep going
Blitzmoose: you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it rape
a fool and his money are quickly raped
Blitzmoose: a friend raped is a friend indeed
Blitzmoose: a mans got to do what a mans got to do
does not need rape added
Me: don't rape your chickens before they hatch
Blitzmoose: give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you rape him for a lifetime
Me: a rape in the hand is worth two in the bush
Me: curiosity raped the cat
Blitzmoose: easy come easy rape
Me: hahahalook before you rape
don't rape a gift horse in the mouth
Blitzmoose: rape = mass times acceleration
Me: indeed
oh
haha
haste makes rape
Blitzmoose: ahhahaha
wow some of these are really great
Me: yeah
i got them all on my blog
when we've run out of ideas, ill post
Blitzmoose: ok let's keep going!
Me: ok!
many hands make light rape
no time like the present
TO RAPE
Blitzmoose: nice
Me: practice makes rape
rome was not raped in a day
the more the merrier
Me: also one that could be about rape already
Blitzmoose: indeed
Me: the squeaky wheel gets raped
Blitzmoose: rape and forget
Me: hahawhen the cats away, the mice will rape
Blitzmoose: for there to be peace there must first be rape
once bitten, twice raped
Me: OMFG I FOUND A GREAT OLD QUOTE
Young wood makes a hot fire.
omfg
Blitzmoose: hahahahhahaha
wow
Me: that's amazing
Blitzmoose: that is so awesome
Me: those crazy ancient greeks
Blitzmoose: indeed ^_^