Things I Hate: 3

Hello and welcome to Things I Hate. Sorry about not updating last week. It was hard to get in the mood later in the week with all the gaming that had to be (and was) done. First of all, before I get started, I have to gloat a bit. DOUG SUTHERLAND YOU LOST. AHAHAHAHAHA NOOB NOOOOOOB YOU SUCK YOU SUCK. Maybe now you will learn not to put up a ton of signs by my house. What did you clear cut that area in the mountains to make paper for your signs? Too bad you wasted that much time on them because YOU LOST1!!1 Ahh, I have faith in democracy again. (Except in the case of Prop. 8 in CA, how did that happen?) Anyway, it is time to get on with this. This week on Things I Hate: Slutty Halloween Costumes!

Now I know what you're thinking. "Wait David, shouldn't you love any excuse that girls take to show off their bodies?" Well first of all, only if they're hot and second, some of these costumes have gone too far. I don't care about more traditional slutty costumes. Here is a list of slutty costumes that come to mind that are okay.

The Slutty Nurse- This one is okay because it has had many (many many many) years to give itself a good reputation. I swear, this slutty nurse idea has been around since before I was born. The good thing is that it still hasn't managed to shift our opinion of nurses. When someone mentions a nurse, I don't immediately think of a slutty nurse. It's nice that I don't default to that.

Playboy Bunny- The reason I like this is not just because it can be really hot. I also like it because it's probably just about the only slutty costume out there that is technically not slutty. When you think of Playboy, you think of that costume. It's more of just a costume than a slutty costume because when it comes to Playboy, they start at slutty and go from there.

Slutty Police Officer/Firewoman/etc- These are also okay because they have been around for a long time and they haven't changed our opinions of police officers and the like. In fact, the firewoman outfit has sparked sexy firelady calendars (and firemen calendars for you ladies out there). As for the police, they are more in danger of being labeled as slutty by men dressing up as police officers for bachelorette parties. Officer Rod my ass, let me see your badge.

So I don't really have a problem with these costumes because they have been around for a long time and they have not had a negative effect on what professions they portray. Now here are the costumes bothering me.

Slutty Cartoon Character- Ok so think of Minnie Mouse. I bet you think of the one I think of, one that is not slutty in any way (other than the way she fawns over Mickey (what a pimp)). I noticed this year that the "Slutty Minnie" has become popular. I hate this costume because it is going to forever scar me so that whenever I picture any of my favorite childhood cartoon characters, I will immediately think of some girl in lace with her lady parts nearly hanging out.

Slutty nursery rhyme characters- My example for this one is the slutty Little Bo Peep costume. I bet when you think of Little Bo Peep, the first thing you think of is not "Man how can I get that bitch into my pants?" The first thing you should think of is "Why I do believe she has some sheep." The costume is so innacurate that it does not come with sheep, but does come with a huge rod large enough to penetrate yourself with (I assume that's all the people that dress this way care about). Thank you, Slutty Little Bo Peep costume, for ruining childhood nursery rhymes. Someday my children will wonder why I'm getting a boner while telling them the story of Goldilocks and the three bears.

The last one I will cover today is the one that I find the most enraging. Anyone who knows me will most likely know exactly what I'm going to say (I don't know if you've seen it or not). It's a costume I just saw appear this year, but I hope it never returns.

Slutty Boy Scout- I don't even know where to start with this. First of all, the uniform is worn incorrectly. It's a Boy Scout colored uniform, but the badges on it resemble the pattern of Cub Scouts. Furthermore, on most of the renditions I've seen, the neckerchief is a bandanna tied around one's neck. Ok this is completely wrong. The neckerchief does not resemble a bandanna and is certainly not worn that way. Furthermore, why are so many buttons unbuttoned? Boy Scouts don't show their cleavage. Not even the fat ones. I could go on about the inaccuracies for days, but I can't because I can almost feel how bored you are getting at that. The only kind of person that should be fantacizing about Boy Scouts are girls. The problem is, girls are wearing this costume. Who are they trying to attract? Confused bisexuals and blind gay scoutmasters? I would like to forcefully request that this costume be taken away next year and replaced with at least a slutty girl scout uniform. While it is certainly not age appropriate, it takes a step in the right direction by at least being gender appropriate.

Well that's all I got on costumes. Remember, the best thing to do if you want to look slutty is to take off all your clothes and not put them back on. Not to mention, it's also much cheaper than buying a new costume that you will use once. Just tell people you're dressing up as Adam or Eve. If they ask where your leaf is, just tell them "What's going to hold it up, dumbass? Gravity?"

That's all for this week, peace out.