Things I Hate: 4

Hello and welcome to Things I hate. While we're at it, I really hate the number four. It is quite an unlucky number for me. Three is where its at. Anyway, this week on Things I hate: Hollywood appealing to emos.


Emos:
Hollywood has recently started putting out more depressing and dark movies that are obviously intended to make the emo population happy, or rather, "less sad." Just to make sure that there is no confusion as to what my meaning was, I am saying that emos are sad, depressing, and dark.


The first movie that really caught me on to this trend was Spiderman 3. It was about that dark spiderman which actually existed in the Marvel universe, but the thing that caught my eye was the emo pose on the poster for the movie which I made fun of here.


Ok now before I get too far into this, I will lay down what I see in a movie that qualifies it as "emo."

1- Dark setting
2- A lot of mystery/unresolved questions etc. (deep dark secrets and stuff)
3- Emo fashion
4- Feelings ("wearing one's emotion on one's sleeve" if you're familliar with that phrase)
5- Gratuitous violence or death (counts double if it is in a really messed up way)

I think that the best example of a good emo movie is the Saw series. It really has a lot of these (so I'm told by fans of the series. I can't stand to watch them).


This brings me to my second movie I have a major gripe about: James Bond and the Quantum of Solace. Since when is James Bond a mindless killing machine? He kills so many people in that movie. What happened to the old days when he was not about killing unless he had to (I have quotes to back that up from Thunderball). He would say to people he didn't kill all willy nilly. In the new "Bond films" (quotations around that because you can barely call the Bond Films since they hardly follow the pattern that I have come to expect of the genre.(Oh, that's another rant for another time)). Also, Bond suddenly is a wussy. He used to be very confident and clean, but now he's bruised and scratched to hell every other scene. The makeup people must hate working on him over and over. Also, he keeps getting stuck on a girl. It's like holy crap Bond, get over it. The last time he got this hung up on a girl, he married her and we all know how that turned out (resulted in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service, IMO one of the worst Bond movies ever made)


Another movie is "Shoot em up." The whole premise of the movie is basically Clive Owen's character has to shoot a bajillion people (and stab the rest with a carrot it seems). Throughout the movie, he just shoots people. It's almost nonstop and it's quite repetitive.

My last example is the one thing that you're probably wondering why I haven't brough up yet. THE DARK KNIGHT. Specifically, the Joker. That whole Dark Knight movie was pretty freaking emo (damn good, but emo nonetheless). What is the appeal of the Joker? Before you answer that, I must warn you, if you say "Heath Ledger is a great actor," I will come to your house and actually make those smiley face scars on you. You know who else is a good actor? Forest Whitaker, but you don't see a ton of people dressing up as the last king of Scotland for Halloween. By the way, shoutout to Orion here:
"What were those people dressed as the Joker thinking? Did they think they were being original? Did they think: Oh, nobody else will be the Joker?"
Seriously, the only reason you like the Joker was because he cuts himself and because Heath Ledger died doing drugs (not to discredit the guy, he is a good actor, but it's not like the Joker was the greatest played character of all time in cinema.) I really can't see any other reason why the Joker is so popular.

In conclusion, Heath Ledger, RIP and Emos, stop ruining American cinema with your alternative lifestyle and vitamin D deficiencies (Emos are pale(it had to be said)).

Until next week, peace out. Oh and by the way, I leave right after class next wednesday, so I will either post on Tuesday if I manage to come up with something by then or not at all. Sorry if you are in some way inconvenienced by that.