Things I Hate: 9

Hello and welcome to my ninth installment of Things I Hate. Before I get started, I must let you know that my post below this one (the one with quotes) has been labeled with "Quotes." I will be posting quotes that I come across separately now with no titles and just the label "quotes" at the bottom. It is part of my special way of obsessively organizing my blog. Anyhow, let us get into the ninth installment of Things I hate. Today on Things I Hate: Annoying Laughs.

Chances are that by this time in your life, you have experienced someone with an annoying laugh. After encountering enough, I finally decided to screw people's feelings so I could bitch about them a bit.

Chipmunk Laugh: "That joke was so funny, I feel the need to applaud it as though I were a small, furry, woodland creature."
This laugh is the one where the laugher begins a rapid hahahahaah in a high pitch that sounds like Alvin or any other of his lame chipmunk friends. Since this laugh requires little air to use (and the people who use it are often airheads), this laugh can go on for a long time, making it all the more annoying.

The outdoing laugh: "No, you don't understand. I got that joke on such a greater level than you. That joke was so much funnier to me, so I need to laugh harder."
This is a very douchey laugh because the person doing it thinks that they are above other people they are with. The person laughing this way is basically saying "I know you got the joke, but I got it more!" That's not really possible at points, but some morons still feel the need to assert their lack of intelligence by making sure everyone else knows if they get a joke. Another possible cause for this laugh is if a person has no idea what the joke meant and they didn't want to stick out by not laughing. The problem is, the joke is rarely as funny as they are laughing for, so this person sticks out more and deserves full humiliation for their ignorance. The final reason this laugh can occur is when the person laughing just is obsessed with their own voice. The best cure for someone doing the laugh for that reason is to punch them in the throat so that they won't be able to hear their precious, precious voice for a while.

Chicks with deep laughs: "Nothing funny to say, that's just fucked up."
The last time I encountered a chick with a really deep laugh was a couple of years ago in Hawaii. In my experience with chicks with deep laughs, they have always been very awkward. Take for example, my experience in Hawaii:
"The waitress there was mildly attractive. Something odd that she did was place the napkin I had on my lap for me. Like her hand was less than one inch away from touching my balls. I was also the only person in my family to which she extended this service. Also, when I said something mildly funny, she let out a very deep rapidfire laugh. Not very ladylike. Very awkwardlike." (August 18th, 2007)
Chicks with deep laughs are very awkward especially for me because like any normal person, my voice is higher when I'm laughing. It's not very sexy when a lady has a deeper voice than me. Perhaps if I had kicked her in her woman-testicles, her voice would have gone up a couple octaves to where it should be. The reason this laugh is annoying is because it is really awkward to be around and in some cases, it can make it hard to tell if the person is a dude or a chick.

If you laugh in any of these ways, I sincerely suggest that you get a vocal chord transplant or whatever is necessary to prevent you from annoying me by expressing your pleasure at something this way. Until next time, peace out.